braveoff | [ DUPLICITY ] inbox

[ For what it's worth, Drake's hold is gentle. It's mostly just the weight of his limbs, not a restrictive grip. Sharkface can pull away whenever he wants, but Drake's hoping he doesn't. He can feel how tense the other man is, and even as he tries to do as he's told he's not relaxing yet. That's okay. It's okay, Drake's not going anywhere. He just holds him, and worries, and runs his fingers gently through Sharkface's slowly drying hair. Wishing he could do anything else to comfort the man.

They just sit like that for a long while, before Drake dares to speak again. ]

I'm sorry I wasn't there.

[ For whatever it was. He's supposed to have Sharkface's back and he wasn't there. The guilt twists sickly in the pit of his stomach. ]

You can stay as long as you want.

[ The moment stretches on. He breathes, matching the pace to Drake's. In and then out again. Steadying. It happened, and it cannot be changed, and the only thing left to do is survive. You have a job to do, soldier. So get it done.

He keeps his good eye closed, pressed against Drake. This is real. This is now. Not the salt, not the water.

Not the chains. ]

I couldn't get loose.

[ His voice feels strange. Distant. ]

Tried to break my fingers but I couldn't get the angle right.

[ It's not a surprising thing, but it still hits Drake hard. The image of Sharkface chained up somewhere, struggling to get free. He must not have been able to reach one hand with the other.

He swallows, dropping his hand from Sharkface's hair to reach down to where he's gripping his own wrist. He covers the other man's hand with his own, stroking his thumb over the tattoos on his fingers. It's over, but it's not okay. ]

How'd you get free, then?

[ He shivers, curling into himself. ]

Played along.

[ It wasn't much of a choice. But he could have fought harder. Could have -

Don't. ]

I didn't want to drown.

[ Played along? What does that-- oh. There's probably only one thing that means, considering what Duplicity is like. Drake feels sick, his pulse thudding faster as the anger twists in him again. Sharkface wasn't ready for that, and though it's better than drowning it still sparks something fierce and protective in him. And... jealous, maybe? That he'd let someone else touch him like that, even if he didn't actually want it. He shoves that down as an unhelpful emotion, and then the anger, just focusing on keeping his breathing steady for the other man. ]

I'm sorry.

[ He lifts his hand back to Sharkface's head, this time just cradling it against his shoulder with his hand protectively over the implant. It's all he can do now. ]

You made it through. You survived.

[ It's strange, he thinks. He ought to be angry. Raging. Anger would be more useful. He could turn it into something. Fuel for the fire, the mission he still has to complete. And yet.

And yet, he can feel himself shaking. Afraid, even though it's over. Even though it was nothing. He didn't drown. He only tore his wrists up. That's nothing, on balance.

Nothing at all.

He shifts, hiding his face against Drake's shoulder. Trying to match his breathing again. ]

Sorry. Uh. Losing my shit, a little.

It's okay. I get it.

[ The situation isn't, it sounds terrifying just in how vulnerable it made him, but needing to fall apart is absolutely understandable. Drake just holds him as he trembles, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. ]

[ Sharkface feels his breath hitch. God, that's pathetic. He can't even keep his cool. This is nothing. He survived. Only some bruises to show for it. That's nothing.

Nothing.

He shifts, curling into Drake, and wraps his arm around the man. He wants to just - stop. Not be here anymore. ]

This fucking place.

[ All this bullshit. ]

It got under my skin.

[ Hopefully it's okay if Drake holds him a little tighter at that, because he is. It's strange... both a relief that Sharkface is seeking contact and more intense worry, because it's not normal. He needs to be comforted and Drake feels at a loss. This isn't enough, it's... it hurts to see someone he cares about so much in this state. ]

What can I do?

[ He asks it softly, a murmur into Sharkface's hair. ]

[ There's a long pause. Sharkface breathes out slow. Then he shifts a little so he can rest his head against Drake's chest. Listen to his heartbeat. ]

Can I just. Stay here, for a little while?

[ Drake's heartbeat gives him away. It's pounding in his chest despite his steady breathing, his even tone. He's upset, just trying not to make this about him. ]

Yeah... of course, I--

[ Drake breathes out, reaching for composure. ]

It'd be good for them both, he thinks. Because in the aftermath, scared and hurting, Sharkface came to him for comfort. Is accepting it, even if Drake feels like he isn't doing enough right now. That's a huge step for him, and if this sets him back in other ways, they can hold onto this. Work on the rest. ]

I'm sorry it happened, but I'm really glad you came to me. Please stay.

It was just -

[ Sex, he starts to say. It was just sex, it could have been worse. He could have drowned. He could have died like the sergeant. But the words die in his throat. He swallows hard. Tries to push them away.

He focuses on Drake, as best he can. He can hear Drake's heart pounding, but Drake's voice is steady.

Good, Sharkface thinks. Good, okay. That's real. ]

...thank you.

...it wasn't just that.

[ Drake hesitates for a moment, not sure how to explain himself. Why he thinks it's a big deal, without making Sharkface more upset. ]

It was something done to you, not something you chose to do. That external pressure, literally 'do this or die,' it takes away your agency. It's wrong. And you're right to be upset about it. Not whoever helped you survive by doing it, just. The fact that it happened. I'm sorry.

[ Maybe it'd be easier if he could blame someone. A person, a target, an enemy he could strike. Instead it's just this place and all the fucked up ways it tries to mess with people. Twist them up. ]

They weren't.

[ He rocks forward. ]

They could have hurt me. Really hurt me. And they didn't. So why does that feel worse?

I'm glad they were decent.

[ He gives the question the thought it deserves, before speaking again. ]

I think... it's because you know what to do with pain. You know how to endure it, how to respond to it. This is different.

[ Something twists in him again, that it was someone else. That he wasn't there to help. No, he scolds himself, forcing it back down. ]

[ He turns that over in his mind for a moment, then exhales. It makes sense, in the end. Pain he knows. Pain he can use. This is another monster all together.

Hah. ]

I'd rather be alive.

[ It's said softly. ]

I didn't want to die like that for nothing. And I survived. I'm - here, now.

[ His breathing has steadied. This is better, he knows. ]

[ Drake nods against the top of Sharkface's head, thinking that that's a big step too. That he'd rather live than die for nothing, for stubbornness. It's a shitty thing that happened, but he's alive. He made that choice.

His vision is blurry, and when he blinks he finds that he's tearing up. Keep it together, Drake. He doesn't realize that a tear has fallen onto the scarred side of Sharkface's head. ]

I'm glad you're still here.

[ Sharkface shifts, lifting his head to peer at Drake. Is he - ?

Oh. ]

Shit. I didn't mean to. To make you sad.

Huh?

[ Drake blinks again, then realizes what happened. He reclaims one hand to wipe his face, frustrated. He's supposed to be the steady one, the one offering comfort. Goddamnit. ]

I'm fine. Really, it's just. Hard to think about you dying and not get a little choked up.

[ He offers a lopsided smile, settling his arm back around Sharkface. ]

But you're here.

[ Maybe he isn't good company right now, or ever. But it fees - better, somehow, to press against Drake. To match their breathing. Things are quiet now. Steadier in the aftermath.

Maybe, maybe they could be okay. ]

I'm here.

[ He exhales. Slow and steady. ]

And you're here. That's something.

[ 'And you're here,' he says, and Drake's expression softens again. He lifts a hand, brushing his fingers down Sharkface's cheek affectionately. ]

I'll always be here for you.

[ But that's a lie, isn't it? He wasn't there when this happened, only in the aftermath. He seems to realize that, expression darkening briefly, guilt twisting in him... but manages to refocus on the other man. ]

Maybe we should stick together for awhile?

[ It's a small gesture. Light, affectionate. Sharkface blinks several times, then leans into it. He's not certain how to read the expression that follows on Drake's face, but -

Context, he supposes. It's not a good time for anyone.

He exhales. ]

Yeah. Yeah, we -

We could do that.

It'd make me feel better.

[ He admits it sheepishly, continuing to cradle the other man's face when he leans into it. Brushing his thumb over Sharkface's cheekbone. Yeah, he'd feel better having him around more. This isn't about him, but communication is important. In that vein... ]

You're important to me, you know. You.

[ Whether he's another version entirely or actually Drake's Ephemera without memories doesn't matter anymore. They have something, trust and care at the least, and that matters. The promise to protect each other that he's already failed, but -- if he can keep this from happening again, he'll do everything in his power for it. ]

[ Sharkface watches Drake for a long moment. Even now, he’s hard pressed to explain exactly why Drake was different. Because there was something there, even at the start. That trust. It shouldn’t have worked but it did. It does.

He exhales. This place is fucked and they’re complicated. There’s history between Drake and that other version that Sharkface can’t remember. But this?

This fits. They fit.

He closes his good eye and nods just once. ]

I know. I trusted you from the start.

[ They have something, even if it's not the same yet. Something precious, to be protected. Drake smiles softly, then reaches down and pulls the covers up over them higher. Rubs Sharkface's back a little, hoping he's comfortable and warm and actually feels safe. ]

You should try to rest. I'll be here, I promise.

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