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[ Breathe out, Ephemera thinks. And stay in the moment. He closes his good eye and just nuzzles against Drake. Taking comfort from the closeness. ]

It's hard to explain.

[ His voice is soft. ]

I don't know if I've got the words.

[ That makes it sound like it's something noteworthy, though... Drake nuzzles back, his voice softer now. ]

Try if you want. Worst case, I don't get it. But I can tell this place forced it again, and whoever it was, they're a biter.

[ Ephemera snorts at that. ]

I got him back.

[ Bit the shit out of him. It was a whole thing. ]

Tried to rip his throat out. Didn't have any weapons on me. Don't know if they would've stopped it then. Don't think they wanted anyone to die, not really. But they wouldn't let us leave.

[ Well that sounds brutal. There's a certain amount of dissonance between knowing Ephemera's absolutely capable of that kind of violence and the way the other man is holding him right now, that Drake just takes in stride as part of knowing him. It is what it is.

He hums thoughtfully. ]

Seems like their favorite trick. But you're better with it this time.

[ What's up with that? ]

Am I?

[ He doesn't feel better. He feels - hollowed out, in the aftermath. Confused. He exhales and presses close to Drake, listening to his breathing. Trying to slow his own to match it. ]

I don't know. One moment we were going to kill each other, and then -

[ And then. Ephemera breathes out slow. ]

There was this moment he reminded me of Hunter. When Hunter was losing his mind. And I just - I was calm then. I had to be calm.

...I know what that feels like. When you feel like you're gonna lose it, but the other person already is and they need help. So you hold it together when maybe if it was just you, you couldn't manage it.

[ Drake's definitely someone who can stay calm for other people as easy as breathing, but calm for himself took time.

He reaches up and brushes Ephemera's hair back, nuzzling his cheek gently. ]

It takes strength, you know?

[ Oh. Ephemera peers at Drake for a moment, leaning into the touch. ]

Like you do for me?

I get the feeling the motivation might've been a little different.

[ Drake grins, pressing a kiss to Ephemera's cheek. It's different with Ephemera -- it's always been easier for some reason. Natural. They just fit, somehow, and he doesn't have to think about it.

He suspects with Ephemera and whoever the biter is, it was more about survival than love. Given that he's mentioned tearing the guy's throat out. ]

But yeah. I'm glad I can be that for you.

[ Probably. Ephemera can’t say he likes Felix, but Felix makes sense to him in a way not a lot of people do. What was that thing Crais said about soldiers? Predictable patterns of damage, or something along those lines.

Yeah. They’ve got those.

He breathes out, pressing close to Drake. ]

Thank you. For just - for being you.

Thank you for telling me.

[ Another kiss, another stroke to Ephemera's hair, and Drake relaxes a little more against him. It's making sense to him now, why Ephemera seems steadier this time. It's not that the situation was better. It's that he's grown. ]

It was different than when you were calm for Hunter, right? This guy wasn't family, wasn't someone you wanted to protect... but you knew what to do to help and you did it. And you both made it through.

[ That's big, Drake thinks. He doesn't want to freak Ephemera out by blowing it up, but he does want to acknowledge it. ]

Do you realize how far you've come just since you got here?

[ Sometimes Ephemera wonders if there was any saving Hunter. CT was manic, out of control. Barely lucid even in his quiet moments. His brother lost too much too violently. Blamed himself even though it was just —

It was just what happened. And maybe if Ephemera had been stronger, hadn’t been so badly injured he couldn’t even walk, maybe then —

But he couldn’t. He didn’t. And so his brother died sick, and surrounded by strangers. ]

Sometimes.

[ It comes out soft. ]

I feel like more of a person now.

[ Drake has a pretty good idea what Ephemera's thinking about, but those thoughts are natural. They just have to happen, and they deserve to be acknowledged. He does hold Ephemera a little tighter, though. Hugs him close and ducks his head.

The admission is also big. The fact that he even could feel like more of a person, and that he's acknowledging it. ]

I'm really proud of you.

[ Ephemera closes his good eye and breathes out slow. He’s tired, more then anything. But he doesn’t feel insane. He doesn’t feel brittle, like he’s going to lose the thread. Like something in him is going to break if he doesn’t tap it down hard.

It happened. And then it ended. ]

It helps. Having this. Having you.

[ Drake can't really find the words to express how much that means to him. This isn't the life he thought they'd have, but he isn't alone in it. They're still together in the important ways and the complexities of it -- missing Ephemera truly being his partner, the awkwardness of one-sided quota sex -- aren't impacting him as much as they did at first. ]

You'll always have me.

[ It's a softly spoken promise, one that he maybe shouldn't make because they have no control over who comes and goes... but it rings true anyway. They've found each other twice now, Drake has to believe that no matter what they'll wind up together. He lets out a shuddering breath and composes himself, pulling back to look Ephemera in the eye. ]

Is it anyone I should worry about?

[ Sometimes they share a bed and just lie down next to each other. Ephemera doesn't sleep well even on the good days, but having Drake at his side - helps. He can settle because he knows, deep down, that someone has his back. That he's safe. And he hopes he can offer that to Drake in turn. Something meaningful, even if he can't be steady.

He reaches up to cup Drake's face with his hand. Gentle. ]

I know.

[ It's said simply. They've always known how to move around each other. ]

Ah. Maybe?

[ Ephemera winces a little. ]

It's Felix.

[ The gentle touch to his face has Drake closing his eyes and leaning into it, savoring those words. For a moment, he can just be content.

Of course reality crashes back. He opens his eyes again and breathes out, then turns his face into Ephemera's hand and kisses his palm. ]

I'm going to have a talk with that fucker.

[ Yeah. That's a thing. Ephemera winces, then leans forward and just bumps their foreheads together. A small gesture. But a meaningful one. ]

Wasn't his fault. It was just - a thing that happened. Think I tore him up more anyway.

[ There was a lot of blood. They hit each other in the head more than a few times before things turned. ]

[ Drake leans into the contact, trying not to think about what that fight might have looked like. What Ephemera looked like in a pool of his own blood on that roof. Felix had messaged him, sure, but Drake really would have preferred there be less stabbing in the first place. ]

And the last time you two fought, you wound up in the hospital. He's dangerous and I just--

[ He's interrupted by the kitchen timer beeping, reminding him that he was making dinner. Right. ]

--I just want you safe.

[ He tilts his head and kisses Ephemera chastely on the lips, then pulls back to turn off the timer and stove and bring the pasta over to the sink to drain. ]

I know. I -

[ The timer dings before Ephemera can finish the thought. He exhales and drags a hand through his hair. It's starting to get long on him. He'll have to cut it soon. ]

I know. But just - not this time, okay? It wasn't on him.

[ Drake is quiet for a moment, then nods. ]

Okay. Not this time, then.

[ But he's still going to have a talk with Felix because... Ephemera makes it sound like there's definitely going to be a next time and he doesn't quite get the guy yet. And he's known criminals like him. The charismatic type, the one who's just funny and smart enough to think they're better than everybody else, but doesn't really make connections, just uses people for their own benefit.

Ephemera won't fall for his shit, he's the one who first warned Drake about Felix after all. But Drake wants to really get Felix, to know what makes him tick, to know what he's up to here. And with Ephemera.

So the talk's going to happen. Just not about this.

He turns back to Ephemera, tipping his head towards the cupboards. They don't need to talk about this anymore if Ephemera doesn't want to... Drake has something else to bring up over dinner. ]

Grab us plates?

[ The problem here — or one of them, anyway — is that Ephemera doesn’t know what he’s doing with Felix. Things swing from one moment to the next, the world tilts on its axis, and what would have been simple suddenly isn’t.

They haven’t killed each other. Despite opportunity and an abundance of vicious instinct, despite a lifetime building up all their brutal reflexes, they haven’t killed each other. And there were moments that edged onto —

Careful. Or something like merciful.

Ephemera exhales slowly. He doesn’t know what to do with any of that. He really doesn’t. But at least he can handle getting plates. ]

Yeah. I can do that.

[ All the more reason for them to talk about it, honestly, but Drake isn't pushing at the moment. Not when things are so raw, when he just wants Ephemera to feel safe with him. He takes those plates and serves them dinner, once again skipping the table to sit right next to Ephemera at the counter. ]

You want a drink?

[ Ephemera shifts a little closer to Drake. Taking comfort from the closeness. Someone watching his back, covering his blind spot. ]

Fuck, yeah. I could use a drink.

So could I.

[ He leans in and kisses Ephemera's cheek before moving past him to grab glasses and a bottle of whiskey, returning to his seat to pour for them both. ]

What do we toast to?

[ Whiskey sounds damn good right now. Ephemera rubs his thumb along the rim of the glass, then lifts it. ]

To solid ground.

[ To being alive on solid ground. ]

And -

[ He hesitates, struggling for the words. ]

For whatever it was that pushed us together.

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