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[braveoff]

@drake.holloway | ■ ▲ ◌ ▼

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[braveoff]

I'm actually not sure when you were from -- farther than anyone else, but I've got no idea how far.

[ He already knew that Ephemera was dead back home, in his future. But that hadn't meant much in Hadriel, Drake himself was dead at home too. They were still going to go back together. His second message takes a little longer to come in. ]

You've lost a lot of people you care about and had to make difficult choices in the aftermath. I can't say I know exactly what that's like, but I do know that the things you hope you never need to think about again tend to be the things that haunt you the most. You can't confront some parts of a problem head on and hide from other aspects of it. Especially when the part you're hiding from is how it makes you feel.

What's your favorite food?

[leaderboards]

If you're trying to find something nice to do for me, you don't have to. Really.

And it's not like I'm trying to hide from how I feel. I know my past makes me angry and sad for my friends, more than anything else. I know we all signed up to fight aliens and half of us wound up killed by other PFL personnel. I'm just

[ writing and rewriting the response too many times leads to it sending prematurely, so there's a quick follow-up. ]

I'm angry. I know I said that already, but I am. And I'm sure you've had more than enough of people being angry about this so I'm sorry.

[braveoff]

Don't give me that much credit, I want something to offer to bring so I can invite myself over at some point. Not right now. But soon, maybe?

It's okay. I know anger real well, and I knew it was gonna be involved for everybody. It's just part of grief... and pardon my saying it but this whole thing is really not fair, either. To think you're doing something good, the right thing, and it goes wrong? Okay. But then it biting you in the ass for so long is insult to injury. I'm sorry.

[leaderboards]

Give me a day or two first but bring whatever you want. I'm not that picky.

Trust me, though. I know it isn't fair. But I screwed up by never questioning PFL and no universe is ever going to let me forget it. Poetic justice or something like that. Wash is all I've got left so as long as I can keep him safe, I just have to suck it up.

[braveoff]

Got it, on both counts.

That's not poetic or justice, to me -- you ever heard of double jeopardy? You can't try someone for the same crime over and over again. The universe needs to cut you some slack.

But I really am glad you still have Wash. I'm sure he's watching your back, too.

[leaderboards]

It's not like it was only one crime. It's a lot of little ones. A lot of blood on my hands.

And Wash is definitely watching my back. He won't let me handle these things alone. Never figured out if that was a good or bad thing for him.

[braveoff]

[ It still shouldn't punish her forever, Drake thinks, but he lets it go for now. Focuses on the last statement. ]

What do you mean, if that's good or bad for him?

[leaderboards]

He distanced himself from what we did and then I dragged him into digging up the past, years ago. Never gave him an option.
It's gotten him hurt, almost gotten him killed. Sticking with the others might have too, but I can't help but worry I'm a magnet for trouble he doesn't deserve.

[braveoff]

Wash is a big boy, Carolina. And you're not forcing him now, if he's sticking with you still it's because he wants to. He cares about you.

Trust him to decide what he's willing to deal with.

[leaderboards]

I will reluctantly admit you're probably right. I just can't turn off feeling responsible for him. For making sure he's okay.

[braveoff]

I consider that a win, thank you. But I know how you feel. I don't think you have to turn it off, as long as it's mutual.

[leaderboards]

Mutual is complicated, though. I don't really want anyone to feel responsible for me.

[braveoff]

Why's that? I feel like all friends kind of do for one another. At least a little, it's natural.

[leaderboards]

I was a leader. That's a different sort of responsibility than anything he could ever owe me.

[ he doesn't have a chance to respond before the follow-up message comes: ]

It's entirely possible I've just never been great at having friends. That would probably explain a lot.

[braveoff]

Well I was going to send:

I'm sure you're still a leader, but you don't have to treat that like being his superior, or CO, or whatever you guys call it in your time. You're not anymore. Maybe it has to shift to be more equal.

Now I'm gonna say:

Yes, I was describing becoming friends.

[leaderboards]

[ ... oh. ]

Right. I guess that's something I need to work on.

[braveoff]

I'm just teasing you. Too soon?

[leaderboards]

No. I think you earned it, after today.

[braveoff]

For what it's worth, I can see that you are a good friend already. And I hope we can be, too. in time.

This is your last chance to tell me your favorite food or I'm guessing.

[leaderboards]

Guess away, future friend. I wish you luck.

[braveoff]

Hah, okay. I'll see you around, Carolina.

[leaderboards]

Yeah. Take care, Drake.