If he is projecting, he's close enough to Jesus's experience that it's sinking in. He's calmer now than he was, despite something wary stirring deep inside him.

"I don't hate being alone. Sometimes I prefer it. Sometimes I just need to be away, and that's... Very hard on a relationship." He doesn't mean just physically being alone.

"But you're right. I'm not the same person I was then and I'm not sure I could be even if I tried. Even if I wanted to be." Which he doesn't. "I'm choosing men to get close to who aren't like the ones I had before, too. You're all healthier."

Except maybe John, who is so much like Jesus is in the worst ways.